Symptons for the Individual...Compassion Fatigue.

Going through the list of some of the symptons to look out for with Compassion Fatigue I thought I would share with you some of my thoughts for each.

They are my own experiences and we will all have our own.

Excessive blaming

I would have a healthy moan but was starting to feel how unfair life could be and if only there was more I could do.

Bottled up emotions

I would keep myself to myself. On the outside I was always known to be a ‘smiler’ - behind close doors without anyone to see I would cry and have such a miserable face!

Isolation from others

I put this down to being able to catch up on sleep and to do tasks around my own home on days off and weekends.I was also quite happy to be in my own company - I didn't have to justify or give explanations to any one but myself at the time. I felt safe in my own surroundings. (Maybe it was a good thing?)

Hmmmm, there is more to life!!!

Receives an unusual amount of complaints from others

Voices excessive complaints about administrative functions

Substance abuse used to mask feelings

Compulsive behaviors such as overspending, overeating, gambling, sexual addictions

Poor self-care (i.e., hygiene, appearance)

Legal problems, indebtedness

I did feel resentment that although I loved what I did and would be working 'silly' hours,it wasn't reflective in being able to keep money worries at bay. It is probably something we all feel. I do recall a moment when I was asked to donate to a childrens charity and I said I couldn't do it 'I had no change'! The reality was that I had 78p in my purse to get me through the next 2weeks til payday.I felt embarrassed and pride hurt because I couldn't contribute financially.

Reoccurrence of nightmares and flashbacks to a traumatic event

Chronic physical ailments such as gastrointestinal problems and recurrent colds

It was during this time that I began to have a lot of difficulty with back problems (very common within caring).

Here is an insight to a post from Sunday, 10 June 2012 My friend, 'Bad Back.'

Its well known that back injuries, among many others come hand in hand with being a carer. When it happens it is an instant turn around in your usual day to day routine.There have been many back incidents during my time. Sadly, each time it happened, the recovery period got longer, the good times in between got shorter. Until eventually I was deemed unfit to do the job.Hard news to swallow when you absolutely love the job you do and think you are set up for quite a few years. There is a period of recalling all those you have met and helped and the knowledge gained over time....what now??!! It is because of all of this, the Carers Coffee Pot has come to light. I have my Back to thank for it!I would like to share with you how I eventually became friends with my Back.... Painkillers, anti-inflammatries, hot water bottle, tens machine, heat rub,physio,rest,sleep, bag of frozen peas.They have all played a part. But so has 'acceptance'. You see, when it first all kicked off I was so angry. In my mind I was able to jump up and run around but my body didn't respond that way.I couldn't lift a kettle up for myself, I had to use walls and furniture to get about. I couldn't do my shopping because I couldn't drive let alone push a trolley up and down the aisle's. Then to add insult to injury I found I had a problem pulling my knickers up!!!!AAAArrrgh!!! Alot of negativity and can't do's! It had to change.First off I decided to seperate from my back and its troubles...(keep with me)....by doing this I would take care of it better, give it time to recover and together work towards little goals and achievements. I accepted there was pain and restriction however, instead of the 'can't do's' they would become the 'can do's-but not how you would normally do it!!!'Housework would be broken down to daily chores. Dusting one day, laundry the next etc. Shopping would be done daily-ish, it would involve a walk to the shop and only buy what I could carry, keeping it light.Cooking would be something quick and easy (but tasty!)and the washing up would be done with my foot resting on the bottom shelf of the cupboard under the sink, to help out with posture(still have trouble after being at the sink for ten minutes or more). In general I made sure everything was within reach to reduce any possibility of over stretching(still do that one too!)By setting these tasks it meant I was at least moving (one way or another)and it gave me something to get up for each day, I had something to do! I would have a little chat with 'Back' each day...how are you doing?...on scale of 1-10 whats the pain like today!Of course, I had exercises to do from physio too.Sure enough, each time it worked.Today,'Back' is as good as its going to get.There are limits in ability,but,if I sit down and swing my knickers over one foot the rest is sure to follow!!!

Apathy, sad, no longer finding activities pleasurable

I had that 'cloud' of sorrow and sadness follow me for a very long time. Again, because I felt I couldn't give as much as I physically wanted to.

Difficulty concentrating

Mentally and physically tired

This became a constant. Towards the end of my caring days I would have to be up at 5 -530am each morning to allow the painkillers kick in for my back problems and in between visits on any breaks I would have to rest,in order to be 'able' enough to go out again. All of my free time seemed to be like this.

Preoccupied

In denial about problems

In denial about all of the above I'm afraid. I felt it was just one of those things but a very uncomfortable place to be. I wanted it all to go away and for the sun to begin shining again.

How did you do?

I have to admit , it is quite scary to reflect on all of this. As I write I do feel a sense of 'if only I knew at the time.'

When there is a sense of sadness hanging around you, there comes with it a 'search'. A label. Once you know what you are faced with, it is then you can in time begin to take control and let the healing begin.

#blaming #isolation #emotions #backinjury #substanceabuse #debt #poorselfcare #flashbacks #traumaticevents #recurringnightmares